Grief in children
Speaking with children when they are grieving can be challenging because it brings up some of our own fears and anxieties which we may be battling ourselves, but it can also be difficult to figure out how to best explain it in a way that is age-appropriate. But on the other hand, no matter how difficult it may be, as a parent you can never ignore it and just say, Ag! They`ll figure it out! You need to be able to sit with your children and talk to them about the grief they are experiencing.

Firstly, you need to remind yourself even before them that Allah is the Almighty, The Most Powerful and The Protector. “No disaster strikes except by permission of Allah. And whoever believes in Allah, He will guide his heart. And Allah is Knowing of all things.” He is the One Who created the coronavirus and is more powerful than it. We rely on Allah’s protection in every moment—from the air in our lungs to the beating of our hearts. Our health is always in the Hands of Allah but the coronavirus is an intense reminder of this.

When addressing the children we also need to keep in mind the child’s age and their comprehension level. Ask your child what they already know about what’s happening to gauge how much you need to tell them.

If the child is too young to understand, is not bringing up the subject, and is clearly not affected by what is happening, then there is no need to address it.

If the child brings up the subject, discuss it in the context of how they understand it and are experiencing it. For example, if your 8-year-old is upset that they are not able to see their friends, then address their concerns. There is no need to bring up extraneous information that would unnecessarily cause anxiety.

When the child is experiencing grief, it’s helpful to converse based not only on the age of the child but their disposition as well. Talkative children may want to process and talk about their grief, whereas some children need time or privacy—and this is ok. Do not assume that your child will grieve in the same way you do just because they are your child.

Discuss the thoughts and feelings presented to you openly while validating the child’s concerns. Let your child know that it’s normal to be worried and scared when so much is changing right now. A child can sense when an adult is hiding information and minimizing your child’s feelings can exacerbate their concerns.

Children’s anxieties often surface indirectly through behaviour changes. If you notice that your child seems particularly moody or is melting down more often, this may be anxiety presenting itself. Children may develop a fear of being alone in a room or may begin to regress in wetting the bed after being potty-trained. Addressing these changes through compassion, extra hugs, and addressing worries can be helpful.

Very importantly, tell your children stories of the Prophets (AS) that demonstrate how Allah cares for us, protects us and how we can rely on His strength at all times. For example, Mūsá (as) was a tiny baby when he was placed in a basket and floated away yet Allah kept him safe.

Teach your child to recite the final three surahs in the Qur’an as a form of protection based on this Hadith:

عَنْ مُعَاذِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ خُبَيْبٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، أَنَّهُ قَالَ خَرَجْنَا فِي لَيْلَةِ مَطَرٍ وَظُلْمَةٍ شَدِيدَةٍ نَطْلُبُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم لِيُصَلِّيَ لَنَا فَأَدْرَكْنَاهُ فَقَالَ ‏”‏ أَصَلَّيْتُمْ ‏”‏ ‏.‏ فَلَمْ أَقُلْ شَيْئًا فَقَالَ ‏”‏ قُلْ ‏”‏ ‏.‏ فَلَمْ أَقُلْ شَيْئًا ثُمَّ قَالَ ‏”‏ قُلْ ‏”‏ ‏.‏ فَلَمْ أَقُلْ شَيْئًا ثُمَّ قَالَ ‏”‏ قُلْ ‏”‏ ‏.‏ فَقُلْتُ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ مَا أَقُولُ قَالَ ‏”‏ ‏{‏ قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ ‏}‏ وَالْمُعَوِّذَتَيْنِ حِينَ تُمْسِي وَحِينَ تُصْبِحُ ثَلاَثَ مَرَّاتٍ تَكْفِيكَ مِنْ كُلِّ شَىْءٍ

“Say: Qul huwa Allāhu Aḥad and al-Muʿawwidhatayn in the evening and in the morning three times and they will suffice you against all things.” (Sunan Abi Dawud 5082)