We are all inevitably going to face moments of disappointment in our lives: disappointments from work, family, friends, society, and even ourselves. That’s the very nature of the world we live in; it’s not ideal, it’s not perfect, and shortcomings are bound to happen from others and from ourselves. The questions then arise: How do we deal with these disappointments? How do we forgive when we’re hurt? How do we “forget” when we need to move on?

Nobody said it was going to be easy. In fact we are told:
لَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الْإِنسَانَ فِي كَبَدٍ
“Verily We have created the human being into toil and struggle” [Surah Al-Balad;4]

However, this does not mean that recovery is impossible. We can get back up, try again, hope again, dream again, strive again and build again. This week, inshaAllah, we will discuss aspects relating to the question of how to deal with disappointment. The first way to deal with disappointment is to…

1. Adjust your expectations
We are told about the inherent imperfections of the world we live in over and over again in the Quran and we are a witness to it, yet over and over again we experience some sort of disappointment. Allah mentions in the Quraan…

أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَن تَدْخُلُوا الْجَنَّةَ وَلَمَّا يَأْتِكُم مَّثَلُ الَّذِينَ خَلَوْا مِن قَبْلِكُم ۖ مَّسَّتْهُمُ الْبَأْسَاءُ وَالضَّرَّاءُ وَزُلْزِلُوا حَتَّىٰ يَقُولَ الرَّسُولُ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا مَعَهُ مَتَىٰ نَصْرُ اللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا إِنَّ نَصْرَ اللَّهِ قَرِيبٌ
“Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such (trial) has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until (even their) messenger and those who believed with him said “When is the help of Allah?” Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.” [Al-Baqarah;214]

We can learn how to work through disappointment if we understand that we are bound to encounter situations that challenge us and could indeed cause worry, sadness, and pain. Know that as we experience more of these situations, we will grow stronger.

Remember though, that growing stronger does not mean that the heart grows harder; rather it should mean that our hearts are actually softer and able to show more compassion for others. In fact, it can mean that the heart is so alive and so in touch with its feelings and those of others, that it can be a source of strength in difficult times. Think of the difference you can make to others who have gone through difficult times when you can reach out and support them because you know exactly how they feel.

Our belief in fate also gives us assurance that there is nothing that can happen to us without the will of Allah as Nabi S.A.W. mentioned to Ibn Abbas R.A. when he was a young boy…

“…And know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, they would not benefit you except with what Allah had already prescribed for you. And if they were to gather together to harm you with anything, they would not harm you except with what Allah had already prescribed against you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” [At- Tirmidhi]