By Mumtaz Moosa Saley
Our phones buzz daily with funeral notifications reminding us constantly of death. As Muslims, we are taught that we belong to our Creator from a young age, and we will return to him.
Many families over the past month have lost immediate family and other loved ones. Losing a parent, a sibling, or a child is a difficult test. You may feel numb, lost and utterly devastated. So how can we cope with a loss of this magnitude?
It would help if you made time to process the loss and get closer to Allah. Make dua constantly, for those who have passed away and for all those experiencing loss during this time. We need to consider that dua is our biggest asset, so make a point of asking Allah to help you and guide you through this time.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Pray for forgiveness for your brother and ask that he be made steadfast, for now, he is being questioned.”
And he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “When you offer the (funeral) prayer for the deceased, then make dua sincerely for him.”
Many times people will say have Sabr. While patience is needed, we are also human and need time to grieve, to come to terms with our loss.
Limiting human contact whilst grieving may seem comfortable, but limiting human interaction, in the long run, could lead to depression. Instead, try spending time making dhikr, talk to those whom you trust about your feelings and try to get back into a semblance of a routine.
Family support is what gets us through difficult times.
We often allow our emotions to run riot, and sometimes, in the heat of anger and pain, we say things we otherwise would not. Forgive the person who has passed on while making dua and ask Allah to forgive you for things you may have said or done. If at all possible, ask forgiveness or apologise to those you may have wronged.
Remember to give charity in the form of sadaqah on behalf of the deceased. Sadaqah is the best gift one can pass on behalf of those who have left us.
It was narrated in al-Saheehayn from ‘Aa’ishah that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him): “My mother died suddenly, and she did not leave a will, but I think that if she could have spoken, she would have given in charity. Will she have a reward if I give in charity on her behalf?” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Yes.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari.
And it was narrated by al-Bukhaari from Sa’d ibn ‘Ubaadah that his mother died when he was absent, and he said: “O Messenger of Allah, my mother had died when I was absent. Will it benefit her if I give in charity on her behalf?” He said: “Yes.” He said: “I ask you to bear witness that my garden that bears fruit is given in charity on her behalf.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari.
If you find it emotionally difficult to come to terms with the loss after a month or two, seek professional help, speak to a psychologist, counsellor, and get the help you need. If you don’t, you could find yourself falling into an abyss of depression which may be not easy to claw back out.
May Allah comfort all those who have lost family and loved ones, May Allah reunite us with our loved ones in Jannah. Aameen.